Bring on the Rain

July 6, 2010

All the second summer sisters came down with a bad case of deja vu (sp). It rained on dress rehearsal night just as it had last year. It was so weird to be standing there, to be doing it all over again. Sister Parker remarked, “its not real sisters, we’re not standing here”. But we were: pageant cards and pencils in hand, visitors, though sparse, in their seats and Peoria/Des Moines Elders by our side. We all headed out to speak to those waiting for the performance and as we did the skies started leaking, just as it had the summer before. And then it poured sending the visitors and family casts running for cover under the gazebos and tents that had been set up, just as they had the summer before. I approached a couple seated on the rows towards the back who looked determined to make it through the storm. They were Brother and Sister Bell from Provo Utah and as it turns out they had my sister in law in their graduate program! It really is a smaller world than we make it out to be. We talked about how all the sisters were being reminded of last summer and joked about how Satan seems to be pretty consistent in his efforts to bring us down. He doesn’t even seem to change his tactics very often! It made me think of endurance and how, if we can just endure until he’s run out of ideas, the rest will all just be repetitive. We will know how to handle the things that come our way. I spoke with them one more time before the night was over, and it was over sooner than we had anticipated. After the first down pour another came, this time with thunder and lighting ripping across the sky. The rehearsal was canceled. As we drove home, sopping wet, I thought a lot about the conversation I had had with the Bells. We were right I think, Satan doesn’t seem to change his tactics very much, but we underestimated his efforts. He may bring rain, but sometimes, he brings it harder. Last year we had rain, but the show was able to go forward. This year one could barely see through the down pour. I also reflected on how the cancellation had gone. Most of the Sisters knew we were leaving; Sister Pulleyn and I seemed to have missed the word. The other Sisters even grabbed our stuff for us. We saw them heading, running rather, out to the parking lot and decided we better follow. President Ludwig had told all the sisters to go home. We hadn’t heard. If we hadn’t been paying attention enough to see then we would have been left. It made me very grateful for the Prophet and the direction we receive from him and had me reflecting on the importance of listening to his voice and heeding his word as I sipped hot chocolate at the kitchen table after a hot shower. Satan sends rain storms throughout our lives, and some hit harder than others. And if we listen to the prophets, the one we have today and the ones who have been here in the past, we will know what to do. We will be able to act rather than be left behind in the confusion of it all.

I also saw the Lakes!!! I love the Lake family! They are here on one of the family casts for the pageant from the mica peak ward in Spokane!!!!! It was such a treat to see them! It only reiterated my thoughts about heaven and eternal families in the world to come.

Speaking of family, it has been fantastic having my mother and father here this past week. I’ve seen them more than I had expected and was able to take them through Carthage this past Sunday along with 51 other people. It was a very special experience for me and one I won’t soon forget. I know that I am very lucky being in one of the few missions in the world in which they encourage your family to come and see your mission while you are serving. The strangest part about it all is to think how soon I will see them. Life will be much different then and I have been so grateful to know that I will be doing it with Sister Morgan. I am so glad I will not be alone in the last moments of my mission. I love her.

Sister Pulleyn and I went through the temple this morning in the session before my parents did. It was fun to know that they were somewhere in the same building as I was. I felt close to them.

I love this gospel. I love this work. The summer is flying by.

I love you all. Keep close to God and know that even if you can’t see Him, He is somewhere in the same building, a face amongst the 53 ‘strangers’, and just a prayer away. Time is shorter than it seems.

Sister Bailey

“Be still my soul, the time is hastening on, when we shall be forever with the Lord”

This is the Christ

June 29,2010

I love all of you with all of my heart and soul. I do.

We just barely came from the temple. It is always incredible to go to the temple, but this time seemed more spiritual than others. I love the temple. Today I was thinking about the scripture that teaches us that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. As I have served, this scripture has come up a lot on my mission. I love this scripture, it teaches us more about God and His expectations for us in this life. It can be a real strength in trying to understand the true nature of God. As I sat in the temple and thought about these things, how much sense that scripture sometimes makes and how misunderstood it can be at other times, an analogy came to me in the form of a soccer game. Strange sounding I know, but bear with me. So in this analogy God is a soccer player. He is the best soccer player around. On the best team. And the best in all things including sportsmanship. So, He follows all the rules. These are the results of two of His team’s games:

GAME ONE:

God’s team: winner

Satan’s team: not winner

GAME TWO:

God’s team: winner

Other team: not winner

God’s team won in both cases. In fact, the score might have even been the exact same in both games! The rules were the exact same in each game. When ever soccer is played, it’s played by the same rules; there is always a winner and a not winner, but the means by which those rules are followed are different. Even so, God uses different means to comply to the same rules in order to come off victor (because good always triumphs over evil.) There fore, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever just as any soccer game would be played under the same regulations, but a goal made using your feet is just as valid as one using your head.

Thank you for letting me express the things that have crept into my heart as I have studied and pondered. IT may seem like a silly analogy to think of in the temple, but it helped me and further concreted my understanding.

Sunday was a fantastic day. My uncle and aunt, Brent and Janet, showed up in the Lyon Drug store (a restored historic site I was serving at that day) and it was like a piece of heaven. I think that’s how dying is going to feel like. One moment we will be here and then we will come around the corner and see a family member or friend that we haven’t seen in years and we will first think, “oh look, It’s Brent and Janet” (or mom and dad, or grams and gramps, or our spouse) and think nothing of it and then all of the sudden we will think again and shout with joy! Brent! Janet! Mom! Dad! Mi amour! And we will realized that we have made it. That, just as we always knew He would, all His promises have been made and kept, that families are eternal and the we have come home. He has lead us safely there and all is well. I was in an incredible mood for the rest of the day and then went down to Carthage for the 166^th commemoration of Joseph and Hyrum Smith’s Martyrdom. The spirit was great and the weather impeccable. The morning had even “dawned cloudy and wet”. The song we sang was one from the very first hymn book and it went better than expected. I’m pretty sure angels stood behind me to whisper the notes in my ear. I think there has been a group of angels called to serve an 18 month mission in heaven just to help me with the songs I’ve sung on my mission. And another concourse assigned for the same duration to help with everything else. If they are suppose to be secret, they have some improving to do, because I can feel them.

After the “official” commemoration we all prepared to take part in what each of us looked forward to most on the commemoration. We went into the jail by ourselves. We listened to a program that the Carthage sisters had put together. They had pulled out different quotes and testimonials of that day and of those men and applied each accordingly to the rooms in that place. IT was amazing. As we went through and paid our tributes and listened with our hearts to the things that the spirit shared with us I was acutely aware that I was one of few who was privileged to have such an experience on that day. When we got to the martyrdom room three testimonies were shared of the Prophet Joseph Smith’s divine calling. We sang “Joseph Smith’s first prayer”. The song took on completely new meaning for me as I sang the song and then listened to the tape. I felt like him. As those men came marching up those stairs and he heard them, I felt his calmness. The first two verses of “Joseph Smith’s first prayer” became his thoughts as he reflected back on what now seemed like a simpler time, when he asked his question, and “saw a pillar of light exactly over his head, above the brightness of the sun, and as the light rested upon him he saw two personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description standing above him in the air. One of them spake unto him, calling him by name, and said pointing to the other, 'This is My Beloved Son, hear Him!' ”. I felt his heart wrench as his brother Hyrum fell to the floor and I felt the peace as he walked to the window and the second two verses of that song began to happen. He was no longer remembering. A light descended and He heard a familiar voice, “Joseph, this is my beloved, hear Him” He had made it home.

I Cannot say that this is how that day happened, that this was Joseph Smith’s experience, but that is how it played out in my mind. June 27^th 1844 is one of those “great and terrible” days on the earth. We then sang “Praise to the man” as the spirit bore witness of who that man was. I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet. I know that Jesus is the Christ and that He lives! And I know that He will answer all and any of our questions in humble prayer before Him. He loves us.

Sister Bailey

Carthage

June 22, 2010

"If These Rooms Could Speak"

If these rooms could speak,

What would they chose to say?

Which one would cry the loudest

Of the injustice done that day?

Would there be any shaky sighs,

Or mournful groans of pain?

Would there be anger in their sermons

From when a prophet here was slain?

Or would joy run through their timbers

To stand and testify!

Of the Lord's anointed servant,

Who had come here that day to die?

Would the dining room and parlor

Sing praises to the family

That gave and loved and served the man

In whom a goodness they could see?

Would the first floor cell tell

Of the songs they sang

And of the testimony borne

Of the book that bears the Savior's name?

Would the staircase raise a guilt filled cry

For carrying those feet?

For helplessly supporting those

Who sought for God's defeat?

And would the dungeon awesomely explain

The miracle it knows it saw:

Death conquered by charity

The weight of a mattress and some straw?

And that room that saw the bullets fly,

Would it declare with thunder,

The evil that stood outside it's door

The men determined to put him under?

Would they whisper the solace of forgiveness,

And beckon towards the Christ,

For whom his blood was spilt,

To whom he gave his life?
No.

I think they'd stand in silence

Much like they do now,

Fostering the spirit,

To pierce as deep as each heart will allow.

So the spirit can be the teacher,

And the room provide a place

For the holy ghost to heal men's hearts

Each according to it's case

Written by: Sister Anne Bailey

I love growing in His fields

June 22, 2010

Today has been the best preparation day ever thus far. We decided to plan only the things we wanted to do and the most logical order to do them in. This has truly been a day of rest! Sister Pulleyn and I got up and went running. We didn't worry about what time we got home we just ran until we felt like going home. It was beautiful. I felt like I was running off the stress and worry and fatigue of 15 months. It was just before a storm came in so the sky was fantastic and the air light and cool. We ran to inspiration point, a place where Joseph Smith went to think, and looked out across the Mississippi. As we headed home it started to rain. Just enough to cool us off and re-energize us. Up past the temple, down past the shops on Muholland Street until we turned onto our road. We sprinted the last bit. We started laundry and made the best breakfast I've eaten in a long time.(sweet potato hash browns, strawberry pancakes, an omelet, poached eggs, and french toast) It was so good. I wont be eating lunch today. Then we did all our cleaning and showered and then tried to nap. It actually didn't go all that well, but I think that is part of why I liked it. I was looking forward to the nap more than probably anything today because I have felt incredibly exhausted as of late. It drove me through my run and made me cheerful through cleaning, laundry, shower, and breakfast. I didn't end up getting down until 10:15 and then I laid there for 15 minutes. I just barely started to slip into sleep around 10:45 when Sister Pulleyn came in to say it was time to get ready to e-mail. I asked for 15 more minutes and then laid there some more. The thought that came to my head was, "this is useless".   I got up and read and we are now e-mailing and plan on writing letters for the rest of the day. (We have moved our temple day to Friday). I am perfectly content. It really struck me to know that I couldn't really scoot into the nap I expected to have. After all it is what drove me through this morning!!! As I have thought about it more it makes me think about how there is no rest after this life and how the work just continues. The thought of "rest" sometimes seems to drive us in this life and when I have thought about "no rest" in the world to come I have felt, at times, my eternal perspective shudder a little, but I think it will be much like today was. The thought of rest will drive us through this life and then when we arrive that initial thought of resting will seem useless.  Who can sleep when there is so much work to be done? I think that by the time this life is over, after we have run our course, supped our fill and tied up loose ends we will be so pumped and intent on moving on that rest will seem useless.  The best rest we will be able to think of would be to help our family members still running around, to feed those still hungering, and to bear up missionaries on door steps so that the work can be finished. Then maybe we will rest...or maybe we will be too anxious to move on to the next task. Rest does have it's purpose, but it also has it's place.

The sociable is over. Pageant is on it's way. The summer is, as usual, moving quicker than it sometimes feels like I can move my feet. But the Lord will attend.

The sociable was different than last year. It was fantastic and wonderful but it still feels good that it's over.   I feel like I learned more, partly because I trusted more. Last year I struggled because I can't sing, I didn't know how to act or look, I couldn't remember the steps, my lines, etc.   I was so stressed. This year I felt I was able to learn more because, since I had hurtled sociable before, with the Lord's help, I knew he would help me again. I learned more because I worried less. The things that stood as obstacles last year were non issues this year. I moved forward with faith. I took note this year that most in attendance were members and missionaries, but I felt the spirit so strongly and I was filled with love and happiness to be able to spiritually feed them on their sabbath.  All in attendance came to our sociable on their sabbath.  They had deemed it worthy as a sabbath day activity and I walked away knowing that it was. I had hoped to see a non-member named Brenda there but she didn't make it.  I thought that her absence would take away some of the sweetness I felt, but it didn't. I was so glad to serve who ever came, no matter what walk in life they traveled. I also took note that there was at least one non-member man who was very touched. Sister Pulleyn talked to him in the visitor's center yesterday before he headed out on the rest of the Mormon trail, in part because of the spirit he felt here. He mentioned the spirit he had felt and how he was praying that the Lord would guide his feet. President Ludwig once said that we "should never give unconditional service". I agreed, but I feel like I have learned more about that this sociable. Unconditional not only in not expecting something in return, but with out respecting the person. Member or non-member, Missionary or visitor, King or peddler. He would serve them all, unconditionally and just as happily as the other, so will I. I have not learned to value non-member tours or moments to testify to them any less, but I have learn to value member tours and moments to testify to them, more.

For sociable we sang "The Lilies of the Field". It talks about how Heavenly Father provides us with what we need, and how "He clothes the lilies of the field and feeds the birds in the sky". The point is that we are His children and He will care for us just as well and more than he does for the lilies and the birds. "He will heal those who trust Him and guide them with His eye". The difference between us and the lilies is that He lets us chose to accept or reject His care. He will never take away our agency to chose.

I like growing in His fields. 3 Nephi 12:28-34 & Matt. 6:25-34

Sister Bailey

Nothing but Christ

June 15, 2010

We just came from the temple. The spirit there was very sweet, very quiet. I loved it. I love the temple.

Transfers were on Sunday, New companion: SIster Pulleyn! I am so excited for this up coming transfer. If there is only one sister in Nauvoo that I could learn something from (which there isn't, there are 21) it would be Sister Pulleyn. She is one of the happiest people I have ever met. She is from Reno Nevada. She has walked a different side of life than I have and she wears the Savior on her face. I want to do that always! I cannot wait to get to know her better and to share insights with her and to love her and to serve with her. She is amazing. She made up of nothing but silver linings and those warm spots in front of the window when the sun is shining. I served with her in Carthage our first transfer, so I know her a little bit, but I cant wait to get to know her more.

I have noticed something over the past couple weeks since we have been back from our winter assignment. A change that has taken place, one that I am very happy about. Last year I would, along with everyone else, guess what would happen at transfers. As I settled on the thing I wanted least, the thing that scared me most, that would be the result. If the thought of something made me particularly uncomfortable, that would be the thing that Lord had in mind. I began this summer by guessing what would happen at transfers by how uncomfortable I felt. When I spent my first night in Carthage my first thought was "don't get too comfortable". I was sure I was leaving because it made me uncomfortable. But then I stayed. As time has gone on I have realized that I am much more comfortable and sensitive to the confirmations of the spirit. It has helped me in my service here also. I have more confidence and I feel more directed. When transfers came the first time I felt most at peace with moving to Nauvoo, but the thought of being split from Sister Cordoba made me uncomfortable. We both moved to Nauvoo together! This transfer, although leaving Sister Cordoba made me sad, I felt so peaceful about receiving a new companion. I also felt peace about staying in Nauvoo. It leads me to believe that over the past 15 months I have been better able to align my will with Gods. Which fills me with a great amount of peace and happiness. I have felt my relationship with my Heavenly Father grow ever stronger over time. I love His counsel. I love to be taught by Him. He is probably the only one I do enjoy being "taught" by.

I have been reading Jesus the Christ (by James Talmage) lately. I want to finish before I go home, but I don't know if that will happen because I pick everything apart as I go, so I end up moving slowly. But I love it. This week I studied both the parable of the hidden treasure and the pearl of great price. Both talk about the kingdom of God. In the hidden treasure a man finds his treasure in a field. He then sells everything he has and buys the field so that the treasure can be his. In the pearl of great price the man's life is centered on finding pearls and gems. When he does find the "pearl of great price" after so long and so hard of searching he sells every gem and pearl he has ever collected over the years and buys that one great pearl to have and to keep.

The man in the hidden treasure parable reminded me of people who happen to stumble on the gospel or are born into member homes, the search is almost non-existent, but the price is still his all.

The man in the pearl of great price reminds me of those whom I have met who have been searching all their lives for the gospel. I have known some of them in my life time. I could picture their faces in my minds eye as I read, some of them are still searching. They pick up many good and lovely things, but when they find the whole truth, the truth that will save them, there is still much to be sacrificed. All other gems and pearls must be given up.  Those lovely and choice things, they must be willing to give them up to have a place in the kingdom.

I have also met and sometimes known those who will search and search and acquire and acquire and then when the truth that will save them is in front of them they choose to trade salvation for their good and lovely things. Those things may not even be inherently bad, but the cost is still the same.... everything they have. It doesn't matter how you gain a testimony, or even if you do gain a testimony, what matters is what you are willing to do to keep it and to progress. It cost your all. It is worth every penny, every tradition, every ounce of pride in you. Nothing is so worth it's cost.

2Nephi25:26

Nothing but Christ.

Sister Bailey

Something New to Learn and Something Old to Change

June 8, 2010

Nauvoo always takes some wiggling into before things settle, especially when all the missionaries are moving in and there really is not a schedule or routine to settle into. But most of the hubbub is over and we're getting closer and closer to putting on our Sunday night sociable for all of Nauvoo (June 20th ) and then Pageant. Sister Ludwig and President Ludwig are amazing. The Seniors are outstanding and each Sister here (and each missionary) is here for a reason. There is always something new to learn and something old to change. Such is life. Speaking of changes, this is the last week of this transfer. I can't believe transfers are already here. Chances are that the Lord will be splitting up Sister Cordoba and I. I love her. We may not be companions through all this but we will be dear friends for the rest of our lives. Maybe I can convince her to teach my children Spanish.

I have been very specific in my prayers lately, and very candid also. It has been a very sacred experience. I feel like my relationship with Him is more defined and that I have moved closer to Him in my life. My testimony of prayer has grown immensely.

This week has been an incredible week, but I am at a loss as to what exactly I could share with you.

The interview that I had with President Ludwig was a very interesting one. I didn't have much to talk to him about, but he had thought of some things he wanted to talk to me about. He asked me questions that required me to look back on my entire mission and it was quite the experience. I appreciated the opportunity. He asked me about the ways in which I had changed. There are so many. He had me pick three. Then he listed some things that he had observed. It was an incredible experience to have and I am so grateful for priesthood leaders. I am so grateful and blessed to be born at a time period on which the priesthood, the authority to act in God's name, is on the earth today and causing truth to go forward at an unreal pace. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, that we have a prophet today, and that God is in the details of our lives. He loves us so much. He will provide the way, but we need to take it.

I love you all. I know that this letter is short, but it is how I am feeling at the moment. Thank you for your prayers. I feel them everyday. I feel and see them answered.

Mosiah 2:41

Sister Bailey

Lead me, Guide me, Walk be side me, Help me find the way...

June 1, 2010

We went to the temple today. We didn’t go last week because on p-day it looked as though we would be able to attend on Thursday. As the week played out however, it didn’t work out that way. We were able to at least go and stay for a very short time, but we didn’t have time for a whole session. I was so thankful to even be there, but I had planned out a whole study that was going to be awesome. I was SO thankful to be back in the temple today, doing a session. I did do my study. It was very insightful, but the best thing about the temple today was seeing Bonnie. I met Bonnie this week in the Visitor’s Center before a showing of “High Hopes”. I noticed her over many of the other visitors, which is what caused me to go strike up a conversation. She had told me that she liked the history here and that it was all “very interesting”, but that she had no expectations for her stay here. I felt very impressed to change her view, which was weird to feel because I didn’t think she had a horrible view by any means, but I heeded the prompting and told her that it was not adequate to simply expect to hear interesting things. She should be expecting a spiritual experience here. She was entitled to it! What’s more, Heavenly Father wanted her to have one here. I committed her to pray for one, to pray to have her heart open and to pray to recognize the spirit more acutely in Nauvoo. I walked away feeling a little bold, especially to be demanding such behavior from someone so my senior, but I ultimately felt content about what had been said. Every person in Nauvoo SHOULD expect something great, even life changing from their visit here, no matter the duration. Two hours later the next “High Hopes” was going to start and I was seating for it. She walked by me and her name tumbled out of my mouth, “Hi Bonnie!”. Her face lit up and she waved as she was ushered around the corner. I was surprised how quickly I had remembered her name. It hadn’t really even felt like me saying it. It was confirmed to me later, when she found me after the play to thank me for remembering her name, that it was not I who had drawn it from my lips. It had meant a lot to her, or at least it seemed like it had. I momentarily reflected on how mindful God is of his children and their needs and how wonderful it is to be able to help Him in reminding them of that. I never would have known, when I asked for her name, that it would later be something of worth to her. But God did. Anyway, getting back to this morning... I saw her at the temple! She was in my session and I made a point to say hello and ask how she was doing as we left, “Hello Bonnie! How are you?”. We ended up walking out of the building together. Sister Cordoba and I stopped to talk with her for a little bit and she welled up with tears. She went on to explain what a wonderful session it was for her. She had had a very powerful spiritual experience towards the end. She mentioned her and her husband’s recent call as ward temple missionaries and that her father had passed away recently. I couldn’t exactly understand what in prayers had been answered, but she hugged me and thanked me for asking her to pray for a spiritual experience while she was here. She said she never would have asked for one had I not taken the time to tell her to do so. It was a very humbling experience. I think that as missionaries, especially as Nauvoo missionaries, we forget, or fail to realize, the power of our influence. I felt so blessed to first, be able to be an instrument in His hands and second, to be shown a bit of the results of being bold, and heeding the promptings of the spirit.

Another wonderful experience that I had in the Visitor’s Center was with a man named Jason. He is the only member of his family who is not a member. He was very candid about it. As we got to talking I was able to testify of so many truths to him, particularly of the Book of Mormon and eternal families. His wife has taken him to many of the Church history sites, but he has never been to the sacred grove - Where Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. I told him that I wanted to go there someday. He mentioned that it might be cool and we talked about how strong the spirit must be there. I told him that I wanted him to e-mail me when he went to tell me how it was. He then told me that he probably wouldn’t make it before I did, so instead we exchanged e-mails and made a pact, who ever makes it there first has to e-mail the other one and tell them how it was. He also had mentioned that he had started the Book of Mormon what felt like hundreds of times. I told him to read 3Nephi 11 and to pay attention to how he felt as he read. Sister Cordoba and I were both able to have a wonderful conversation with him about the Gospel and how it blesses families and double testify of every principle we taught. It was fantastic! And, I have even more incentive to go to the Sacred Grove after my mission now. I am praying that he reads and follows the spirit in what to do next. We told him to contact the missionaries when he feels he is ready. He kept saying that he didn’t feel ready.

Sister Cordoba had an very inactive former missionary make a rather contentious comment to her in the Visitor’s Center about our mission. Sister Cordoba followed the spirit instead of her pride and was able to minister to her the way the Savior would have had He been there. She was broken and down trodden and Sister Cordoba lifted her up instead of kicking her back. She is such an example to me. She is fantastic. All of the new Sisters are. I sometimes feel as though they are training us. I am so excited for the next 18 months of their lives. It so strange to be on this end of it.

I am in continual awe of all President and Sister Ludwig do for us every day. They stand in the Savior’s stead for us. I am so grateful that I have been able to serve under their direction and love.

Sister Bailey